Monday, December 31, 2012

6 Weeks!

I am actually in the middle of my 6th week, but most of the information on here will be from the beginning of the week to try to keep it the same as the rest. This week I am maybe starting to feel a little bit pregnant and it's oh so exciting!! We also have an ultrasound on the 2nd which has me both super excited and completely terrified, so if you could keep us in your thoughts we would really appreciate it!

Week 6

Weight131 (-5 lbs)
Due Date: August 22, 2013
Symptoms: Sore breasts and lots of gas like before. Also, fatigue seems to have hit this week and I even took a nap the other day which is completely unlike me. It's like all of a sudden at 4 or 5 pm I hit a brick wall and just can't keep my eyes open. I am also getting little waves of nausea/queasiness. I definitely wouldn't call it morning sickness yet, but for 10-15 minutes at a time my tummy definitely feels unsettled. My skin seems to be rebelling against pregnancy and I have definitely having some rough break outs. Still trying to find a skin routine that's safe for pregnancy (so if you know of any miracle working, pregnancy safe skin products let me know!!).
EmotionsMaking it to the 6 week point felt like a huge milestone for me. I am officially the most pregnant that I've ever been and every day it starts to feel more real. I am both excited and terrified for our ultrasound on the 2nd and if it turns out good I know that it will be a giant weight off of my shoulders (even though bad things can still happen, the likelihood will decrease some). There has been some family drama that has me feeling a little stressed out, but I am doing my best to push it to the side and stay as calm and positive as I can for Baby K. 
Notable News or EventsOur ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days on January 2nd!! (will probably get an "official" due date then too)
What Other People Are Saying About Baby/Pregnancy: This has been a pretty quiet week, but my hubby seems to be getting more attached to our little bundle. It is exciting to see him start to really feel like this is real!

As you can see, I might be getting a little bit thicker overall...but not much to report on the bump watch. I will try not to look so ragged next time, but I make no promises!!

When did morning sickness set in during your pregnancy? Were any of you lucky enough not to suffer from any morning sickness at all??

Lots of Updates!

The holiday season took over and I haven't had a chance to get back on here and update until today! It has been a very crazy couple of weeks and so far things are going great!

To start with, I got my second lab results on Friday the 21st. My hCG went up from 2414 to 7500 in 48 hours. They normally look for numbers to double in 48 hours and mine tripled. At first I was ecstatic, and then the worries took over. Were my numbers going up too fast, could it mean that something was wrong? Rather than freak out over it for the next few weeks, I decided to let it go. My hormone levels were rising and that's a good thing!

I had my "intake" appointment at my new OBs office that day as well. I met with the nurse practitioner, she calculated my due date based on my last menstrual period, she gave me a packet of information, and sent me on my way. Honestly it felt a little bit like a waste of time since I had already seen the doctor due to cramps, but you have to follow protocol I guess! We had some bad luck on Friday though as well. I was driving back home from my appointment (it's about a half hour drive since we now live outside of the city) and my car just stopped working. I'm just driving along on the freeway and then NOTHING, it was like I ran out of gas, but I had plenty of gas in the tank. I had to call my hubby to come save me and we had the car towed back home. It looks like it is a "timing chain" (or something like that) which could be a pricey repair on a car that's probably not worth putting any more money into. So, right now we only have my husband's truck up and running which makes for an expensive drive back and forth to his work. It's still up in the air as to whether we will repair the car or give up and buy a new one. (well it will be used, but new to us!)

We ended up borrowing my husband's grandparents' car to make the 8 hour trip up North to see my family. It was so nice to see them! We were there from Saturday the 22 until Friday the 28th. I had a blast with my niece who is 5 1/2 years old already. I was there when she was born and it's been amazing to watch her grow over the years. She was sick with a virus most of the time, but that seems to be pretty standard for Christmas with the poor little peanut.

Now, you might think that with all of this going on that I would have forgotten to  take my weekly pictures. Each picture was a day or two late, but they got taken and are finally ready to be shared.

Week 5
Weight134 (-2 lbs)
Due Date: August 22, 2013
Symptoms: Acne and breast tenderness.
EmotionsHappy and looking forward to Christmas. Being a little bit of a worrier since this was the week things went bad, but spending time with family is a great distraction.
Notable News or EventsGood hCG numbers, first doctor's office visit!
What Other People Are Saying About Baby/Pregnancy: My sister kissed the belly for the first time and is so excited to be an auntie! I started using the name "Baby K" (our last name starts with K) to refer to our little one (still hoping for something better to inspire me). 

I am pretty sure that the "baby bloat" is actually smaller in these 5 week pictures than in the 4 week ones, but since it's bloat and not actually the baby yet, I suppose that's to be expected.

I will be posting about week 6 tomorrow since this is already getting to be quite lengthy! What was your early pregnancy like? Did you have lots of symptoms or only a few?

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Lab Results @ 4 Weeks 5 Days

I got my lab results back from yesterday's blood draw and they are pretty good. I was 4 weeks 5 days when they were taken and my hCG was at 2414 and my progesterone was 26.5!

In case you're wondering what that actually means, here is a link about hCG levels and here is a link about progesterone in pregnancy.

In other news, I also got to schedule my first ultrasound for January 2nd. I'll be 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant then so I'm hoping to start my new year off with a little beating heart!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

1st Dr. Appt- Early Due To Cramping

My stomach has been killing me for the last few days, not in the standard pregnancy "I'm gonna throw up" sort of way...but hurting. Honestly, I can't tell what the problem is. Maybe it's gas pain, maybe it's cramping, or maybe it's something else. I'm leaning towards gas pains, but they have been pretty severe and constant enough that I began to think that it might be something more. I called my new OB office to get in a few days earlier than my first scheduled prenatal appt (which was Friday). Since my stomach pain was low enough to be where cramps would be and more severe than menstrual cramps, they did an internal exam and ran some bloodwork.

Now, for those of you unfamiliar with what hormones a woman's body produces during pregnancy, this next part is not going to make a lot of  sense. I'll try to explain as I go, but I make no promises about the clarity (or accuracy!) of my explanation. After a woman ovulates and the egg is fertilized the ovary from which she ovulates produces progesterone. My doctor said that this hormone  relaxes the uterus so that when the egg implants it doesn't cramp out to get rid of the foreign body (aka, the baby). If your ovary doesn't produce enough progesterone, your uterus can cramp causing pain and potentially a miscarriage. So they are checking my progesterone levels. If they are low (should find out tomorrow) I will be put on progesterone suppositories to increase levels and, hopefully, keep my body from rejecting the little bean. They are also testing for HCG, which is the human pregnancy hormone. The amount of HCG in your blood increases as your pregnancy progresses at a predictable rate (it normally doubles in about 48 hours). They tested my HCG levels today (which I'll find out tomorrow) and they will test them again on Thursday to see if the HCG in  my blood is doubling the way it is supposed to. Last time, I found out that I was probably miscarrying when I had really low HCG levels and then that I was for sure miscarrying when they started decreasing.

Assuming that my levels are rising, once they reach between 1500-2000 a pregnancy should be visible on an ultrasound. So, as soon as my levels hit that magic range, I will have an ultrasound to make sure that the egg implanted in my uterus and not somewhere else (which would be an ectopic pregnancy, which is very dangerous for the woman and always fatal for the fetus).

So, that's where things stand right now. I am waiting to find out if my hormone levels are alright and hopefully make sure that this baby is growing. They also prescribed me some pain medication if I needed to take it, but I'm hoping to hold off on that. If you guys could keep me in your thoughts while I wait to find out how my little rainbow is doing I would really appreciate it!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Four Weeks!

I technically hit four weeks yesterday, but I think blogging my weekly posts on Friday will be easier to remember. Plus I didn't get around to taking a picture yesterday, so Fridays it is!! I can't explain how excited I am to be sharing this pregnancy with the world and record all the events big and small. Over the last few years I have read so many pregnancy and mommy blogs and couldn't wait until it was my turn.

As you already know, we found out that we were pregnant at 3 weeks and 6 days. That was just two days ago, but it already seems a world away! Here are the stats for this week, I'm just making the categories up as I go here so it might change a little from week to week.

Weight: 136 (Yes, I just told the entire world what my pre-pregnancy weight is....)
Due Date: August 22, 2013
Symptoms: Sore breasts, lack of appetite (I'm not really queasy or nauseous yet, just decidedly not hungry), morning insomnia (I can fall asleep no problem at night, but apparently I can't sleep in!), and that's about it for now!
Emotions: I am super excited to be pregnant and over all I am feeling pretty positive. Yeah, this is a really scary time, but for some reason I just FEEL like this pregnancy is going to go ok. That doesn't mean that the fear doesn't get to me every once in awhile, because it definitely does! However, I am trying to keep it under control and stay confident and upbeat that I will be a mommy in August!
Notable News or Events: Even though it was technically last week, finding out that we're pregnant!!
What Other People Are Saying About Baby/Pregnancy: My hubby called me his "babby momma" last night which made me laugh. Also my mom and sister have already started joking about all the symptoms yet to come. Everyone around me has been pretty positive too in spite of our history which is nice.

I am sure that I will add more categories like cravings, gender, etc. when they become more relevant, but for now we will keep it short and simple since it's so early in the pregnancy.

And now what you've all been waiting for...the photo! Since I'm only 4 weeks along, it's almost a pre-pregnancy photo, but there's a little bit of baby bloat there and I want this recorded so that I can compare all the pictures later.

So that's me, 4 weeks pregnant! Marriage added an unwelcome 15 pounds to my figure, but it is what it is and now is not the time to get self-conscious about weight. After all, I have a baby to grow. 

I couldn't help myself and tested again this morning. Since it was 2 days after the first test I was hoping for a darker line and it was!! As you can see from the photo (sorry the tests are upside down, whoops), I am more pregnant today than I was two days ago!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12/12/12 - BFP!!

I am so excited to say that today we got our BFP (or positive result on a pregnancy test, for those of you who aren't up to date on pregnancy acronyms)!!!

It's only a light second line, but that's clearly a positive people!!

We are so happy, like really over the moon happy. I had a feeling that this might be the month for about the last 5 days. I've had really sore breasts, which was my only symptom with the last pregnancy. I have also felt off and on queasy, not exactly nauseous...but my stomach isn't quite right. I know it's crazy and I will probably regret saying this later on, but I am really hoping for some morning sickness. I just want to KNOW that I am pregnant and symptoms would be great for my peace of mind.

Of course I am absolutely terrified about how this will  turn out, but I am feeling surprisingly hopeful at the same time. Yeah, we had a miscarriage...and yes, I know that another one is possible, but our odds of having a second miscarriage aren't any higher than they were of having the first one. This is a fresh start and I am going to try my hardest to think positive thoughts. My first appointment is with a nurse practitioner on the 21st, so it's going to be a long week and a half wait until then. I'm going to push for having a couple quantitative HCG blood tests done for peace of mind (tests that determine the exact amount of pregnancy hormone in your system). I know that if I'm going to lose the pregnancy, I'm going to lose it...there isn't really anything that can be done about it. I am just going to take this one day at a time. I miscarried so early on last time that this next week and a half will be absolutely terrifying, but this is a different pregnancy and I am hoping for a different outcome.

Since I now have something to write about, I really do intend on updating this blog more often. I know that it isn't anything special and currently no one reads it, but I would love to document this momentous time in our lives. I am also hoping to meet some mommy friends and keep my family updated about how things are going  once I break the news to them. I am already thinking about how to tell them, I will write a post about my ideas on here soon.

Here's to hoping that 12/12/12 was a lucky day for everyone else out there, I know it was for us!!! How did you survive the stress of the first trimester? Any tips for getting your worries under control!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

2012 Christmas Photos

After my last depressing post, I thought that I should share some of the happier parts of my life as well. It's not all awful! In fact, most of the time I am very content. I love my little family so much, so I thought I'd share some of our Christmas photos with you. I took these and they haven't been edited, so it's nothing spectacular...but it's us and I love them!

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband and my adoring Thor dog! I would say that I was lucky to have the cats, but we're currently dealing with some anger issues that apparently mean it's ok to go potty outside of the litter box....

Friday, December 7, 2012

Cycle 2 After Miscarriage

Well, last month was not our month. It is so hard knowing that I would be well into my second trimester right now and instead, here I am still not pregnant. Hopefully this month brings us good news. I can't even imagine how a new pregnancy would change Christmas for me and my husband. At the same time, I know that not being pregnant come Christmas will be it's own new load of pain. Most of the time I am okay. I'm never great, but most of the time I managed alright. However, there are so many times when I experience that stab of pain. In those moments it is like it is happening all over again, like I am losing my dream/future/child all over again.  I don't know if there is any way to explain how truly all encompassing the feeling of loss is. No one that knows about what happened asks how I'm doing anymore, most people never even knew I was pregnant, it is like it never happened. Maybe I should be over it...maybe it shouldn't hurt anymore...I don't know really, but I do know that I will never forget this loss. Women all over the world (estimates are as high as 1 in 4 pregnancies) experience this pain in silence and it's a truly awful thing to have to go through alone. Thank God for internet communities. I know this is a rambling post, but if anyone (now or in the future) reading this needs a shoulder to cry on please just ask and I will be there in whatever way I can. Hopefully in another week I will be able to post a happy post about BFPs and bright, happy futures, but for now this is my life and IT'S HARD.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Trying to Conceive After A Miscarriage

I know that it has been months since I last posted and so many things have changed. We purchased, renovated, and moved into our new home. We also started trying to conceive in August and found out we were pregnant in September. On September 19 I miscarried my first pregnancy. It was awful and yet I am still here. I was only 5.5 weeks pregnant, but I was still an emotional train wreck. I wanted that baby...more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. The second I saw that first positive pregnancy test, I was in love. Sure, I knew that the odds of a miscarriage are startlingly high...but, as usual, I just didn't think it would happen to me. Well it did...and it was awful...and I survived it.

This  isn't a post about the miscarriage, but about moving on after it. When it happens, everyone tells you "at least you can try again." There were lots of days when that thought didn't help at all, where it seemed to belittle my loss. I didn't want to try again, I wanted the baby that I had lost. Yet, as the weeks went on, it did start to help. In fact, it became all I could think about. I don't want to replace the one that we lost, but after knowing the depth of the love that sprung up just from knowing that I was pregnant (before any real signs or symptoms even existed), I can't imagine my life without a child. I want to know the full depth of a mother's love.

We took the month of October off, my doctor said to wait one cycle before trying to conceive. Now, I am in the wonderful "two week wait" part of our first cycle trying again. For now, we are just trying to time it right. I am not doing basal body temperatures or ovulation predictor kits, but that might be in my future. My feelings are so mixed this time around. I am excited at the thought of trying to get pregnant, but I am also  terrified. I know that a 15% chance is a bigger than it seems and that this type of loss is harder than I could have imagined before. However, I also know how badly I want this future and the risk of loss is more than worth the chance at having a family.

So that's where I am at right now. I am moving on, going forward with our plans, and trying to conceive again after a miscarriage. I am hoping for a rainbow after the storm.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Our House Wish List

We had a very specific list of requirements that our future home would need to meet. Some of these we ultimately compromised on, but during our search this list was both our best friend and worst enemy. We knew exactly what we needed and many houses were never considered because one or more of these "non-negotiables" were missing.

We wanted our new house to have:

  • At least one acre of land (the more, the better)
  • Some privacy 
  • A smaller mortgage payment than the house we currently live in (which left us looking at foreclosures and short sales)
  • More than 1500 square feet
  • 3+ bedrooms
  • 2+ bathrooms
  • No more than a 30 minute commute to my husband's workplace
  • Access to either cable or DSL high speed internet
In the end, we were able to find a house that met all but one of these initial requirements. We ended up being forced to compromise on internet access. I will be writing a post on rural internet access in the very near future, because it's a very frustrating and surprising predicament. 

It took us about three months of constant searching to find THE house. Price, location, land, and internet ended up being very limiting and prolonged the search. We had our fair share of frustrations (there were houses that sold before we could even see them) and compromises were definitely made in the end. In spite of all challenges, I'm glad  that we stuck by our list and ended up with this lovely home.

What would be on your list of "non-negotiables" if you were looking to buy a new home?

Friday, June 22, 2012

I'm back!! And why we decided to buy a new house!

I know, I know...terrible blogger alert right here. Luckily this blog is still in its infancy and I'm not really letting anyone down. However, I still really want to give this blogging thing a chance. Life has been a little crazy over the last few months and it's about to get even crazier because we're moving!! In March or April we decided that we wanted to sell our house and buy a new one. We wanted to stay in the Greater Lansing Area, but move out of the city of Lansing itself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Lansing, it's a great sized city and I have enjoyed living here. However, the hubs grew up living in the country surrounded by farmland and I grew up in a small town. When we thought about our future, we just couldn't see it unfolding where we are now. 

Budgeting also played a major role in this decision. Since I'm not working due to health concerns and the awful job market, my husband's salary is what we're living on. I'm not going to lie, money is tight. We can pay all of our bills and loan payments, but there's not much room for an emergency fund (or say a future child). Nathan is planning on going back to school and finishing up his bachelors degree (he has an associates  right now), which will give him a hefty raise where he's at and open up lots of new career opportunities. However, in the mean time we wanted to find a way to save some money. After looking at it, we really thought that our mortgage was a sure fire way to save some money. 

Our house is financed through my husband's grandfather. We have a mortgage through the bank of grandpa. Now, that sounds somehow not very legit...but lawyers were involved and everything. The reason why this is important is that after a long discussion, grandpa agreed to give us a mortgage on a new home before we sold the one that we are currently in. We will just hold off starting payments on the new house until the old house sells. Complicated? A little. Risky? If our current house doesn't sell, definitely. While we have a completely legal and standard mortgage through Nathan's grandpa (with comparable interest rates and all), we are so grateful for the benefits that having our mortgage through a family member brings. We could not have gotten another mortgage through a bank before selling our current house. We also know that if we end up in financial trouble that our "bank" will work with us. 

Anyways, we knew that we could save some money on our mortgage if we bought a foreclosed that's what we set off to do! My next post will be about the joys (sarcasm) of our house hunting experience. Stick around cause I know you want the details on the new house!!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

How We Met...

I am going to be totally honest with you guys about how I met my husband. It's not glamorous and it certainly doesn't say much about my ability  to "catch a man." So, here it is...Nathan and I met on That's right, your truly is no good at meeting people in person. Which is alright, it's part of my personality and if I was good at it, I would have never met my husband.

I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship that had been heading nowhere for most of that time. I didn't really know anyone in the area that wasn't one of my exes friends and I'm not a fan of bars. I felt like my options were limited for how to meet men. If we're being honest here, I wasn't looking to get married or even necessarily find a long term relationship. I was looking to date, mostly so that I could feel good about myself again. Either fate or irony had different plans however, because Nathan was the first guy that I went on a date with  from the site and of course the last.
One of the first pictures of us as a couple.

I knew that he had potential from the very first e-mails  we exchanged. We had lots of similar interests and he seemed like a smart guy. We were both geeky, liked some of the same video games, shared similar movie interests, and most importantly he seemed like a nice guy.
I knew that I wanted a geeky guy and the fact that we had both played World of Warcraft
in the past was a strong indication to me that we had a lot in common.

We went on our first date and it was awkward, it was pretty clear that neither of us had been on a first date in awhile. Luckily for him I gave him a second chance and he pulled out all  the stops. He cooked me a delicious dinner, had a rose on the table, and tiers of candles lit in the fireplace. We ended up eating dinner and watching two movies that night. I knew he was something really special then. 

Our relationship progressed rapidly after that. It wasn't long before we were living together and a mere 6 months or so after we met we got engaged!

The day we got engaged!

My ring.

Engagement picture taken by Creative Photos by Caroline

Exactly 364 days after our first date we got married in my hometown. It was one of the most wonderful days in my life and I loved every minute of it. 

Wedding Photos by Magdalene Photography

So you're probably thinking "That's crazy!" or maybe even something worse. Trust me, we know that getting married after knowing each other for only a year was a crazy thing to do. I had been in several relationships for longer than that and I could not have imagined marrying any of those guys. This was different, this was my soul mate. It's hard to explain or justify it, but I just knew that it was right. Would I recommend that other people get married after a year? Depends on the couple, but for us it worked and 13 months later we don't regret it. 

How did you and your significant other meet? Have you ever done anything "crazy" for love?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

My Secret Addiction

I can't lie, I am addicted to reading blogs. I follow about 7 or 8 and am always looking for more to follow. Most of them are written by women with children and I particularly love pregnancy blogs. Maybe it's just me feeding my maternal side, but I genuinely feel like I care about these moms and there children. Unfortunately, for now, I am a little bit of a creeper. I don't generally comment on the blogs I read. I just feel like since I don't have children, that I am not really part of the "club" yet. Sure I have opinions on things, but there are just that, "opinions." I have no experiences to share or advice to give. I am hoping that starting my own blog here will change that and allow me to become more active in the blogging community. So, this is basically a request for any secret readers here to link to your blog so that I can read about your life (and I promise I'll comment  from time to time too!).

Being a Mom to "Fur Babies": Introducing The Cats

This is going to be the first of a series of posts that I plan to write about being a pet parent. Since we have such a zoo here, it only makes sense to introduce our pets and explain what life is like with each of them. 

I always had pets growing up. My parents had a dog before I was born and my mom has always had at least one dog at home. There were also two family cats. We got the first one when I was 8 and the second when I was around 14. In fact, the cat that we got when I was 14 was "my cat." His name is Merlin, but that devolved into just "Meow" (pronounced more like Mao, than the traditional Meow) due to his signature way of vocalizing. Ultimately my mom ended up keeping him because my zoo of a house would have been very traumatic for him. He gets to be a happier cat after each of my mom's beloved pets die of old age and he would be miserable here at our house.

This is a pretty old picture of Meow

Leaving for college was a little bit of a shock for me. It was the first time that I had never had a pet of any sort. I missed the snuggles and pets that a furry companion can offer. I missed watching them play. Of course while I was living in a dorm there was no feasible option to get a pet, so I settled for visiting my "babies" at home. A few years into the college experience, I moved in with one of my boyfriends and a few of his friends. One of those friends ended up adopting a kitten named Oscar. The next year that friend moved back into the dorms and we were left with Oscar. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I kept Oscar. Oscar is my first pet as an adult.He is an orange domestic short haired cat with stripes and some white markings. He is also full of personality and spunk. I have never met a cat with more of an attitude. He either loves you and wants to snuggle or he wants to hiss at you and bite you. There is absolutely nothing in-between. In spite of his personality "quirks" (or maybe because of them), Oscar has made himself a home in my heart and he quickly won over my husband as well.

Baby Oscar

Oscar's Christmas Portrait

I never really had any intentions of owning more than one cat. Oscar was a cat raised by himself, he had never met another cat (and hated dogs) and I just assumed that it wouldn't go very well. I ended up having to reevaluate  those opinions after I met Nathan. He was also the proud pet parent of a cat of his own. "Kitty" (Nathan didn't like the name that he had when he adopted him and apparently never got around to changing it)  is a big grey striped domestic short hair. In fact, Kitty and Oscar look a lot like they could be from the same litter. They are both rather large cats with similar markings, just in different colors. 

Kitty is a fairly typical cat. He generally speaking has a shy personality. He is terrified of strangers and will hide for hours. As I've gotten to know him over the years though, he has really blossomed into a sweet guy. He is still a little "stand-offish," but pretty much every day he'll come up to me for 15 or 20 minutes of pets. He absolutely loves to be pet and scratched, when he purrs it really sounds like a boat motor. Kitty is also the hunter of our two cats. He is an indoor cat, but during the summer we let him into our fenced in yard for several hours at a time (Oscar isn't allowed outside because he seems to have no normal sense of self-preservation). He loves it! He also brings back critters for me to freak out about and leaves them on the porch (or one time, on my sandals!). 

Kitty's Christmas Portrait

Now that you've met our cats, I hope you'll stay tuned for introductions to the rest of our zoo as well as some posts on taking care of them all. Do you have cats with unique personalities like ours?

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Starting a Family

Isn't that a funny phrase? I mean, we already are a family anyways. Nathan, the animals, and I. It really does feel like a family to me, but it feels incomplete somehow. That fact in itself is really amazing considering where my mindset was before we got married.
Gratuitous Wedding Picture Since I Said the Word "Married"
I went into my relationship with my husband with the plan and expectation that I would never have children. It's not that I don't/didn't like children, it's just that children require so much from a person and I didn't think that I wanted that for myself. My mom is honestly the best sort of mom that someone could be, but she gave up everything to be that. She moved across the country from her family to live in a safer place near my father's family, she worked hard at low paying jobs because that region didn't have any careers in her field, she stayed with my father for longer than she should have for us, after they finally got divorced she still stayed in the small town that we grew up in because she didn't want us to have to change schools as teenagers, and my sister and her 4 year old daughter are still living at home due to the economy. That's an awful lot of sacrifice. She never got to have the career she wanted or go back to school to start another one. She lived in an unfamiliar environment where she didn't know anyone, just because it was "a great place to have kids." Those big sacrifices, combined with the everyday sacrifices that moms have to make (no sleep, spending money on kids instead of yourself, stress and worry) are what made me decide that I didn't want to be a mom. It might sound selfish, but I didn't want to give up my life and the things that I love now to be a mom. You might be saying, "you don't have to give up everything," and I know that's true now, but at the time I think I was terrified. 

So my husband and I went into our marriage with a "I don't think kids are for us" sort of mindset. I told him that I didn't want any kids, but that "I reserve the right to change my mind in the future." Haha, "the future!" Honestly, it's hilarious thinking about it, because almost immediately after getting married I did a complete 180 and decided that I definitely wanted a child. We had a pregnancy scare a couple of months after getting married that made me really analyze my feelings on the issue. I wasn't pregnant, but the ramifications of the experience were monumental none the less. I realized that I was genuinely disappointed that we weren't having a baby and realized that I wanted one terribly. A few months of baby fever happened and after some talking we decided that we would have kids, just not yet. It was such a relief to know that Nathan was open to the idea, but the waiting was/is heart wrenching for me. I did end up getting my fur baby, Thor, as a "consolation prize."
Our Boston Terrier Thor

The puppy worked for a little while. He took up a lot of time, woke me up in the middle of the night to go outside, and wreaked havoc on our well-ordered house. We fell absolutely in love with him and in spite of his puppy antics, I wouldn't trade him for anything. He will always be my "baby dog," even though he's almost a year old now. However, now that he's trained and sleeps through the night baby fever has kicked in again. We had another scare and this time all I could think about was how desperately bad I hoped I was pregnant. I know that our financial situation is shaky right now, but I wanted nothing more in the world. That leads us up to the present, where negotiations are currently in progress to determine what steps we need to take to prepare our wallets, home, health, and relationship for a baby. I hope to share the results of these negotiations soon. 
Since I don't have a picture of an adorable baby to end this post with,
here is a picture of Thor as a puppy!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Well, We'll Give This A Shot

Hey there!!

My name is Heather and welcome to my blog. I married the man of my dreams in February 2011 and after a little more than a year together, I've realized that I really  need a place to write about being a wife (and zookeeper, more on that later) and hopefully someday a mom. For now, we're still waiting before starting our family, but since this blog is "The Evolution of a Family" it makes sense for it to start out with our life as a married couple. 

My husband's name is Nathan, he works as a lab associate at a biotech company here in Lansing (where we live). I am perpetually unemployed, due to a bad economy and health issues that make lots of jobs unrealistic for me. Nathan is currently looking into going back to school for his bachelor's degree (he currently has 3 associate's degrees) and I'm looking into finding a way to actually make use of my B.A. in Spanish. We are happy to be homeowners here in the city of Lansing, MI (for now...later on we'd like to move out of the city and into the neighboring countryside). We live here with 2 additional roommates who rent rooms from us, which is currently super helpful with our mortgage payment and not particularly inconvenient since we're used to having roommates from college. Nathan's cousin Tony lives with us along with his dog Link and my cousin Kerry lives with us along with her dog Lucy. In addition, we have a Boston Terrier pup named Thor, 2 cats, 7 degu, a parrot, and a fish! So,'s a zoo and I'm generally the zookeeper since I'm home more than anyone else. Some days I love living in our crazy house, but there are definitely days when I wish for some peace and quiet. 

Please stick around as I share the trials and tribulations of these early years in our marriage. I also plan to write about my hobbies/craft projects, work that we do in the house, Nathan's construction/building projects, our lovely animals, careers, school, starting a family, cooking, and our adventures. It might seem a little hodge podge, but I have discovered that I genuinely enjoy reading blogs about other people's lives. Themes are nice and neat, but they don't offer the depth and honesty that a blog about life in general  really can. Mostly, this will be a blog about our little family, but what that might entail is likely to be wide and varied.